Sariputta :

the house of dharma. this house is suppose to be in charge of dharma, puja and sharing. i wanted to give it a shot to be leader of the house. always wanted to try but no confidence in this.

Ananda :

the house of welfare & logistic. this house was my fav house since i first join SBM. dunno why i jus like Ananda the most. maybe cause i am like him? a worker by nature. anw, this house i realii realii wanted to nominate myself to be a leader. it will definitely benefit myself and others alot. cause i am a social and welfare secretary in Singapore Polytechnic School Of Engineering Club. i can learn and bring different ways of doing things together. logistics will definitely help me be more organised person. i try doing some logistic work before, abit in sbm, abit in skool. but nv a real big scale one. i believe that i can do a good job. but i didn't nominate myself.

Mongallana :

the house of marketing and communication. its all about banners, publications, camp tee designs, videos making and presentations. i suck at creativity but i like video making. i tried making a video with replica of zheming camp video. the sense of achievement was there. the frustration of making the slightest mistake which maybe no one can spot, the frustration of thinking of wat song to use, the frustration of finding pictures, the frustration of waiting for rendering each time i edit after spotting a mistake, but the sense of achievement, e joy and memories i brought back for others was a great feeling for me. however i did not nominate myself to be a leader in this house too.

Rahula :

the house of PTF, Preteen Fellowship. PTF is for kids below the age of 12 to join. and i myself is not verii good with kids so didn't even thought of joining it.

why did i feel like doing so many things, thought of being a leader, but didn't nominate myself? i was too busy. i realii regretted not doing my research on some stuffs and jus join. i join MMEC as a main committee, it was when after i join, i see e work needed to be done, the great responsibility of a club. it works like e adult world, proposals, agenda, quotations, countless meetings and blah blah.. not long after, i join dragonboat as my second CCA. it was a hell lot of experience for me. first few trainings was already hell for me. look at my puny size back then. 6sets of 10 pull ups, 6km run, weight lifting 3sets of 10 reps 8 station was like HELL to me. i still fight on i believe in not giving up. as time passes on training hours become longer, the stress grew, the load become heavier for my puny body. i can't grow any further while the rest are growing to be more muscular and fit. i can't. from 3 training a week to 6 per week. irregular training hours on saturday and sunday. it realii takes up alot alot of my time. i can't find the time to commit. one important was raised during the meeting. commitment. i jus can't find my time to commit myself.

thoughs of quitting dragonboat came into my mind like 3months back already but i don believe in being defeated jus like that. i wan to continue and prove my worth. go through the 9 weeks of hell. i wan to earn my respect in there, i want to work my way through. its not a last minute decision to want to quit SPDB.

i came to a decision and sms-ed siyuan on 28dec evening. but thinking back on that day morning i gave an advice to wanling i thought to myself. isn't it wat i am facing now? speaking to yeow chong, he told me sth which makes me think real hard. thinking of crap5 and wat i can contribute to SBM, my stress level increase whenever i think of training cause of some reasons, i dunno how to face them, i turn to smoking to escape the problems. all these thoughts made me come to a decision to quit SPDB. *smoking was not realii the reason why i wan to quit DB. i wanted to quit smoking like a week back so i could be on my best during training. so smoking is not an excuse for me to wanting to quit DB. might answer some of u.

quitting SPDB i think would be e smartest choice yet a big regret of mine. quitting from SPDB will give me much more time for my first CCA, more time for studies, more time for friends, more time for SBM, more time in future for WSSS band, more time to rest. SBM has always stand out more than other organisation no matter how low and f***ed up i feel in there. SBM and CRAP5 is one of e main reason for me to quit SPDB.

reason why i suddenly don feel like blogging. cause i feel that i have no freedom. ppl start to read my blog posts and follow on my daily activity and start making up stories and twisting e facts and shoot around in SPDB. that realii realii piss me off.

i believe my decision to quit SPDB will be a great news to alot of ppl too.

decision for leaders of individuals houses have been announced and confirmed, there is no way for me to turn back time and challenge them. so i will jus stay on in mongallana to help out in marketing and communication. until i have more confidence and better time management.

the coming year 2009.

to be able to totally stop smoking, not even social. * sry tracy and friends that i actually broke my promise.

to be able to change myself to be less noisy and loud.

to be able to contribute more to my friends and MMEC.

to be able to bring tgt CRAP 5.

to be able to contribute to SBM.

to be able to communicate with PBT more.

to be able to spend more times with my friends.

to be able to be there for my friends.

to be able to take part in WSSS alumni band performance ( if its still on)

u kno its kinda suck to actually do so many things? putting my effort on so many things realii isn't doing any good as there is a limit to how much time and help i can give. i can't give much time to DB, they start to bastard me. i can't give much time to MMEC they start to think i prefer DB and outcast me, i can't give time to SBM such that some ppl jus think that i am always irresponsible and playing. like a recent event, i tried to bbq some leftover for some ppl when they are back was kinda not a verii good experience. cause they are like eh jus nw u cook why nv clean up, and the person sister saw me remaking fire afterwards was like "eh wat he doing? why e fire so big" well. it realii sucks to be labeled as someone who can't get serious.. guessed i tried to rush everything too fast. a lesson to be taught. nv try anything if you have no capability and time. i guess being a saint don happen jus overnight. it takes time to slowly nurture things.

and yea some ppl in somewhere jus look at me with 1 kind of face why? jus cause i smoke. i smoke cause i wan to. i dunno how else i can get away from some troubles. i tried many ways. but still i can't depend on it all e times. even if i escape the problem for few minutes i would wan too. i kno i wan i can stop. some ppl say smoking will get addicted, i dunno why they can? i have smoke for so many years but i can stop if i wan. well to some friends out there.. if i can do it so can u.

anyone ever read Ajahn Brahm book? i read finish e whole book but lost it somewhere with his autograph somemore!!! its the first one and onlii book which i read with enthusiasm. wat interest me e most was the verii verii first story.

Opening The Door Of Your Heart

i forgot e exact story but i gonna jus briefly say it. *maybe not so briefly

one day Ajahn Brahm was requested by his master to build a brick wall in his new temple. this brick wall consist of 100 bricks. So he started off with everything placed nicely equal amount of cement spread evenly. everything was like a perfect masterpiece. (forgot how it goes) he had made one brick off position. so after he had completed the brick wall after a long time he realized that 1 brick was off position and it created a hole there. it was by then too late to undo steps like microsoft words. so everytime when he look at the wall he can't help it but to look at the 1 brick which was off position. a perfect wall ruined by just one brick. however one day. someone told him this (not exact quote) "why u harp on to the 1% of brick wall when there are still 99% of it. why harp on e 1% ugliness when 99% is nice?

it follow on to explain.

why do ppl like to focus on other ppl fault? like that 1%? start to look at the other 99%. don because of the 1% and overlook the 99%.

i have been living my life with ppl looking at my 1%. maybe say a few who realii saw my 99%. thanks man.. it realii brighten up my life alot when i realised that the 99% of me was at least spotted by someone. please give me a chance. i wan to live my life with the rest of mu 99% and not 1%.

and i think i have to come to end of this chapter.

the puny boy with huge dreams but unfulfilled dreams

the road to DragonBoat

everything was clear

what i wan in future.

aim far and wide.

everything just zoom past so fast. remember when i was jus a freshie and jus join DB gone thorough hell training and now its over.

i shall embark on a new chapter of life. To show everyone the ivan you all have nv seen. nv realii seen. ivan can be real serious when doing work and when its time for seriousness to set in. though he can still joke and fool around he is still serious. he jus do wan to make e atmosphere real bad. he love to act tough and strong but inside him is jus fear and insecurity. he will try to be a real tough and strong person in 2009. 2008 is a year full of mistakes, i shall learn from my mistakes and make year 2009 better year for people around me. this year i am going to treasure all my friends around me. alright i can't name all but EVERLYN TAN KIA KEE. dunno why but wan to specially thanks her alot here and now. she did alot for me.. and others too. like JUDY NEO, LIEW SHIXIONG, LAWRENCE LEE. u all have no idea how much u mean to me.

ivan signing off.

Happy New Year