For 5 minutes i wanted to just stand up and pack some clothes leaave this god damn house. You are my mom yet you are not being one. Those who know the plight i am in now, i guess only a few, know what i am facing now.
You rather spend your time outside in temple, you rather spend your money on temple activities than on your kids. You say all you do is for a better life for yourself and us. I don't see the good merits benefits i won't believe it. I was brought into buddhism, i trusted it. I trust that it will sink you so deep into it that you live your life like a pious buddhist. Everything you do must be buddhism, everything you say must have a link to buddhism.
You rather use the time you have to close deals and just that 1 bloody deal then the money goes to temple and other association. All you complain to me is lack of money and presses me to get that damn scholarship thingy. You know how fucking stress i am?
I lack of the care and concern and love given to me. Dad have 2 sons already, one has mental disorder, one has his own family and business, he don't need me, he loathe me, i am like a subsitute for my deceased brother. He likes his only daughter, my sister. You my mother always say you love me so much more than my sister cause i know how to think whats right and wrong. Now that i don't greet you anymore cause i don't even feel that you are my mother, you say i don't need you.
If i don't need you cause you say i am old, then why do you care about me so much? Then here you are saying i think i am already old and already showing my true colours when i am not even 21 yet. What are you trying to say? one moment say i am old enough, don't need you, one moment you say i think i am old.
You said you have nothing to do at home so you stay at temple. You always use me as an excuse and ask me help you lie so you could stay in temple longer. Look at you, tired and worn out, sleeping at 2am waking up at 7am. You could come home early do some house work and not throwing everything to dad. You could sleep early. you spend your time doing things related to buddhism stuffs which you believe too much, some of which are totally unnecessary. You make yourself tired for something not necessary. there are things more important to do yet you choose to ignore them.
Cause of you choosing to come home late to go temple and not trying to close anymore deals, you made dad more pissed that he have to do housework and he vent all his fucking anger on me. What the hell am i here for? Your tool? his punching bag?
One day i will really want to walk out of this god damn house.
