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Thursday, October 28, 2010
@ 11:16 PM

A moment ago i was in lost. Now all i know is i am still shivering in fear in i dunno what fuck. I am crying here alone. Do you know? I am so afraid of losing you with each fucking day. i tell myself its ok no matter what. I have friends who faced problems worst than me. This is nothing. fuck la hor. how to be ok. i can't bring myself to say it, i can't bring myself to do it. I am afraid of telling you all those things that i know. I am afraid to tell you how i really think and feel. I am afraid you will find me childish and paranoid. But do you know how i really feel for you? I want to hug you so badly right now cause by holding you i know that you are safe. I just want to protect you from any harm and danger. I am scared that one day that mother fucker will cheat on you. i am scared that he will plot something on you. You can say i am paranoid and overprotective. But i can't help when i see him. Thoughts are running through my mind like expressway. i scared that you will fall for his trap. how am i to tell you. how how how!

The way you sms, reply, talk to me, react to me. makes me really feel like standing infront of a F1 car and get bang. All i ask for is care and concern from you. All i wish for is to hear your voice and see you. Anything else don't matters.

I haven't got a good night sleep ever since. I jump out of bed, i get cold sweat, i got shocked that i yelled till i woke up. I dreamt of you every fucking night. I dunno why. I just wish that you will be there for me and tell me everything is ok. But where were you? i want to be there for you. i wish for the same treatment back.

To you? i dunno. you may think that i am pure annoying trying to gain ur attention. I dunno how you think. i can sms you, msn you, and you can don't reply me. I duno why. I am paranoid now. Every single thing you do i can't help but to think alot.

I don't wish to use hate to forget you. you don't deserve that. please stop mind fucking me so badly.

我现在感觉非常的绝望。绝望到我死死都相信和期待奇迹的出现。就算全世界的人告诉我奇迹从不出现我还是会等。可能只有绝望的人才会期望有奇迹。我不想后悔。


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Ivan Ho (TJ) A.K.A Peanut

Eighteen.
Turns a year older every 8 December.
Singapore Polytechnic Aeronautical Engineering
West spring secondary school
Jurong Primary School
hahahax@live.com
Bachelor.
Past Entries.